Time for some artists’ rights comedy gold.
We can’t help but notice that when an artist publicly criticizes Spotify there are three bloggers that seem to quickly post rebuttals as if they are members of a synchronized swimming-er blogging team. To paraphrase Spin Magazine on these guys: “#TeamSpotify.”
Most recently we see the Three Horseman of the Spotocalypse going after David Byrne for his editorial in The Guardian.
Bob Lefsetz the 60-year-old self-described “industry expert” angrily calls the 61-year-old David Byrne an old fart.
Meanwhile Jay Frank calls David Byrne “bad at Math.” Now while Jay is always careful to be right, if you look at the big picture it turns out he’s arguing over things like whether it takes 150 million Spotify spins or 75 million Spotify spins a year to reach minimum wage (and is that federal or state minimum wage, and which state Jay? ) . Does that really matter? Byrne’s points still stand. Either way it’s a fuckload and it’s not sustainable. Yes Jay, technically you’re right but It’s like a Larry David episode. You’re making my brain hurt and I AM A MATHEMATICIAN.
Finally Dave Allen former bassist of the “Marxist” Gang Of Four now turned Ad Exec spends 100,578,238 words incoherently criticizing David Byrne, Thom Yorke and myself. This in advance of a meeting with Spotify executives in LA. I draw no conclusions.
But here’s the real problem with these guys: I can’t take them seriously.
And it’s not because I don’t like what they write. It’s because there are just three of them.
If 6 is the number of The Beast. 3 is the number of the comedian.
“Dave Allen, Bob Lefsetz, and Daniel Ek walk into a bar”
If you want to be seen as a powerful, elite or even sinister force three is not a good number. Think about it. “Three Stooges”, “Three Blind Mice”, “The Three Amigos”, “The Jonas Brothers” etc etc.
Four is much better. Four is a masculine world-changing number.
“The Fab Four” “The Fantastic Four” and of course “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”
These guys will not be taken seriously until they add another horseman.
The pro-spotify-anti-artist-blogging business is no different from the boy band business. You need some variety among your bloggers for broadest appeal. And the more bloggers the better. They should really take a cue from some of the great boy bands of the past. As Bob Lefsetz might say “Work hard, be excellent, and add another member” “The Four Horsemen of the Spotocalypse” is so much more serious sounding.
And they are almost there. They’ve got three great ingredients already!
Jay Frank: The nerdy but fun one.
Dave Allen: The angry one,
Bob Lefsetz: The really angry one,
Who should they add? Do they go cuddly? Sinister? Cute? Hispanic?
They definitely don’t have cute. And they probably should go cute but there are no cute anti-artist-rights-pro-spotify bloggers.
So dear reader please help us! Please help The Three Horseman of the Spotocalypse become Four. Vote for a new member!